The Joys of Post-Nasal Drip.
I'm pretty sure I'm coming close to exceeding my quota.
I am currently in the throes of a very nasty upper respiratory infection, with just a hint of
greenish yellow phlegm. Ooh la la! There is nothing quite so attractive as a nearly-thirty-year-old woman hacking up phlegm and trying not to gag.
Perhaps that was too much information. Sorry.
You may want to wash your hands after you read this post.
Just in case.
I know, I know, You All Missed Me...
...all two of you who read my blog.
Yes, I've been slack. I know. Luckily for you, I have an annotated bibliography due tomorrow, and I am procrastinating.
Unfortunately for you, I do not know what to write about here. I cannot think of anything.
Sorry :-(
It just doesn't get any better than this.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's
Mathworld!!
Okay, so...
I had my first exam* since going back to school. I want to say something witty here, but I just can't. Anyway, as is to be expected there were a few questions requiring knowledge of concepts neither covered in class nor in our assigned reading. Figures.
But, enough about what I have not learned. Here is what I
have learned - an important psychological concept:
Illusory Correlation
perceiving a relationship where none exists.
I could write a whole book on it.
Oh, wait. I'm too late. There already is
one.
*By "exam" I mean a test of knowledge, not a pap smear or anything like that.
Käsefüße
...means "cheese feet" in German.
So, now you know.
"The really unusual day...
...would be one where nothing unusual happens."
Those Confounded Variables!
Daggummit!
Somehow yesterday in my Psych class, my professor got lost in a deep, thoughtful discourse on online IQ tests.
To summarize his 15 minute, um, discourse:
a) Online IQ tests are not an accurate way to determine true IQ.
b) They all give you a lovely IQ score because they want to tell you what you want to hear. (Basically, so that you'll buy their exclusive $19.95 guide to how you're a genius if you buy their $19.95 guide.)
This got me thinking, "I wonder if it is possible to score in the 70's on these tests. Or do these sites just give everyone a 130, and tell them they are very bright and need to buy the $19.95 guide?"
So, this morning, I decided to do a very unscientific test of online IQ tests, to answer this question.
1. I did a
Google search for "IQ Tests"
2. I clicked on
Tickle, because, fascinatingly enough, they are not only an online IQ testing site, but they are also a dating service! Splendid!
3. I took the
Tickle "
Classic IQ Test"*
4. I intentionally picked wrong answers throughout the test.
5. I scored a 77.
6. While this proves that someone
can, in fact, score in the 70's on an online IQ test, this does not prove that IQ test sites will not tell you what you want to hear. Read on...
7. This is what my "score report" told me:
"Congratulations!Your IQ score is 77
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others."
Wait, it gets better...
"Your Intellectual Type is Inventive Inquisitor."
Wow!
"You have the unusual distinction of being equally good at math and verbal skills."
Really? Perhaps because I got all of the answers equally wrong?
"This means you are a creative thinker and are uniquely good at teaching others through experiences."
Does it scare anyone else that the fine folks at
Tickle would encourage someone with a 77 IQ to teach?
"You are also a great improviser and very good at handling change. Find out more in your personalized 15-page IQ Report. It's ready right now!"
Ahh! Here it is. The sales pitch.
"In your IQ Report:
A summary of your intellectual strengths from certified staff PhDs
How your IQ compares to others
Average Tickle IQ scores by state
Charts and graphs of your results on 5 intelligence scales
Simple exercises to improve your IQ
The complete answer key to all the test questions"
Of course, knowing all of the answers to the test questions I can become Einstein! Hooray!
"Plus, purchase your personalized IQ Report today and receive a FREE 7-day Premium Test Membership giving you unlimited access to all tests and personalized analyses on Tickle. At the end of your free trial, you can have continued access to $1,000's worth of the best and most scientific testing, analysis, and advice for only $19.95/month."
What a deal!
8. Of course, when I looked up what a 77 IQ means on other websites, I became a little deflated. Apparently, I am "
Borderline". Borderline what?
According to these test results I am about 7 points away from being "
mentally deficient / impaired / retarded".
9. Here are my preliminary unscientific results:
Accuracy of score:
Not entirely sure. But, I think 77 is a fair score for someone who missed all of the questions. I'm surprised it was not lower. I suppose you do need at least minimal intelligence to use a mouse and click on the answer dots. (Yes, I know there is a more technical term for "answer dots". Give me a break! My IQ is 77, after all.)
Accuracy of interpretation of score:
Not accurate at all. Yes, they are just trying to sell us all something.
Sigh.But, hey, look on the bright side. If I register with
Tickle's dating service, I can find another mentally deficient person** just like me for love, romance and adventure!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*"Our Classic IQ Test is the most thorough and scientifically accurate IQ Test on the Web." -Tickle ** This blog entry should not be construed as a value judgement against those with low IQ's. This blog post should be construed as a value judgement against online IQ tests.
Things I Learned On My First Day Back to School.
1) My school (which shall remain nameless) is not
Northwestern.
2) While my
Honda Civic is a cute little college girl car, the carseat and
Cheerios explosion in the backseat is a dead giveaway - I'm not a cute little college girl. I am someone's mommy posing as a cute little college girl.
Which leads me to number three...
3) I am old.
Okay, so technically, 28 is not that old. However, when you are sitting in a class of 18-19 year-olds, 28 is ancient.
4) I wasn't as grown up as I thought I was at 18.
5) Did I already say it's not
Northwestern? The girls actually bring their
handbags* to class. Whatever happened to college students carrying backpacks/bookbags? Am I the only one who finds this strange?
6) Even though I tried to dress "casual", I still ended up over-dressed. Since I wasn't wearing a sorority t-shirt and shorts with my 28-year-old
gluteus maximus on the verge of escape, I really did not "fit in".
*I would say "purse", but a gentleman, who will remain nameless, drilled it into my head that "the proper term is handbag, especially when you've spent $150 USD on buying one." Snob.
Toilet Etiquette...
...or "No, Dear, the M&M Mini's Tube Does Not Belong in the Toilet"This just in from the
World Toilet Organization:
Woo-hoo!
I did it!I did it!I passed my math placement exam!Woo-hoo!(This is about as intelligent as I am going to get here,
because I am so elated I can hardly see straight.)
Yes, my friends, it's the unofficial American Idol Meme!
--------------------------------
[Editor's note: This was posted the night before my Math Placement Exam. That should explain its lack of humor. And, no, Elvis isn't
really my "American Idol", but thanks for your concern.]
-------------------------------
Having been unwittingly sucked in to the cultural phenomenon that is
"American Idol", and since imitation is the highest form of flattery, I have decided to filch
"American Idol's" contestant meme* for your pleasure.
Yes, my friends, get out your
Cingular wireless phones. And remember,
standard text messaging rates apply. **
When did you first start to sing?
Five minutes ago. Why? Am I bothering you?
Do you have any formal singing training?Elementary music class. (
see interview below)
What other talents do you have?
Creating lifesize human sculptures out of ear wax. Maybe you've seen my
movie?
If you don’t make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?
Run an
exposé on
Primetime Live.
What are your personal goals in life?
To complete my bachelor's degree before my children do.
What album would your friends be surprised you own?
Who is your AMERICAN IDOL?ElvisDo you have any rituals or things you do each time before you perform?
I don't think I can share them here. Sorry.
Favorite male pop artist?Andy Warhol
Favorite female pop artist?Sylvie Fleury, because
"Moisturizing is the answer".Most embarrassing moment?Childbirth.
(Do you understand everything that happens during delivery?)What has been your proudest moment in life so far?Childbirth.
If you couldn't sing, which talent would you most like to have?
Singing. Because, if I couldn't sing, then I couldn't sing.
What is your definition of an AMERICAN IDOL?I'm not sure what
my definition is, but if you want to get technical, I prefer
this definition:
"An American cultural figure who is visible, but without substance."
- The American Heritage ® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Who is your favorite judge and why?Judge Judy. Do I really need to explain it?
What would people be surprised to learn about you?
That I'm
not insane.
How has this changed your life?No one is surprised anymore.
Do you have any lucky charms?***No, but I could run to the store and get some. They
are "Magically Delicious!"Who are your heroes in life?The Wonder Twins****
What's been your toughest obstacle in life?Myself.
Do you think the audition process was fair?
No.
If you win, who will you thank first? My loyal fans who spent millions of dollars on text messaging their votes for me.
Suckers.
*This is the same meme that the contestants answered on the
IdolOnFox website.
**
"For times when you prefer not to talk out loud" -
Cingular*** In memory of
John Holahan, creator of Lucky Charms, may he rest in peace. Imagine what the world of cereal would be today, if Mr. Holahan hadn't been bored enough to mix
Circus Peanuts with
Cheerios.
**** Whatever you do, don't check out
Wondertwins.com. It has absolutely nothing to do with the Superfriends.
Appeasing the Math "gods": A Public Apology
To whom it may concern:
I am sorry that I said that
Mathematics are evil. Really, I am sorry. I hope you will forgive my ignorance.
That being said, my
Math Placement Exam is tomorrow morning. Don't let me blow it.
Thanks,
faith
Dear Sir or Madam:
I received the following correspondence in the mail today*:
It is quite an honor to know that I was in the running with the other interviewees. Especially considering that, I, um, wasn't even interviewed.
I know. I know. Details.
*You don't need to use a magnifying glass to read the letter. Just click on it for a larger copy.
. . .and a Wild Turkey chaser
This just in from news correspondent, "Grandpa Dave":Thought you might like to see a picture of the wild turkey* which tries to keep cars off of one of our streets. Whenever the car turns to go around him, he gobbles and runs to get in front again.He creates a lot of noise as the car honks and he gobbles right back.
Love,
Grandpa Dave
image copyright MMV, "Grandpa Dave"
*Not to be confused with the
bourbon of the same name. ("Must be of legal drinking age to look at this site. No cheating.")
